“I HADN’T NOTICED”

If you follow me on social media you know by now that I’m on day 14 of “chemo cream”. It’s a journey I’ve taken you along with and it’s taught me so much in a short couple of weeks.

Firstly, I had no idea how contingent my relationship was with some followers. I learned that if I get serious for even a second they get piiiiiiiissed. It’s a “I don’t want to hear about your life, clown. Get back to work making me laugh” kinda vibe. It’s cool though. Don’t let the door hit ya.

Second, I learned how ride or die others are. People I’ve never even met in real life messaging to share their personal stories and check in on me. It’s really a beautiful thing.

I also learned a valuable lesson about the importance of sharing both the good times (all filtered with stars and rainbows) and the bad times. I learned that I, an unemployed radio host turned stay at home mom can make a difference. That ANYONE can make a difference. I’ve received messages from all over the globe from people telling me watching my experience play out has given them the kick in the ass they needed to make (and keep) that dermatologist appointment. People have been sending me photos of their skin issues and asking my opinion. Don’t worry, my opinion is ALWAYS “show it to your derm”. People have asked for sunscreen recommendations and told me about relatives they lost, limbs that had to be amputated, I convinced a scared pregnant soon-to-be mom to finally seek professional help after 3 years of self diagnosing. This isn’t me bragging. This is me saying that if you’re on the fence about sharing a personal issue, I get it. Trust me. I come from a VERY private family who is less than thrilled about my constant oversharing. But your story could be what saves a life. Tell it. I type that with a caveat. Tell it if it’s YOUR story that is specific to you. Your children and family and friends can tell their own if/when the time comes and they feel inspired.

Last, DO NOT put off treatment for a medical issue out of fear of what your kids, your family or the public will think. Prior to beginning this treatment I did my research. I knew what the outcome could look like. I didn’t show my husband or my son the “after” pics that I found online in advance. I told them the treated areas would get red and that it wouldn’t be pretty and they shrugged it off. My husband has nursed me back to health after surgeries and literally removed tubes from my body. He loves horror movies. He doesn’t get stuck in a moment. He’s fine. I worried about my son. With virtual school would I embarrass him if his friends saw me on camera? How upset is he going to be that I can’t go outside and play catch or go for long walks with him for weeks on end? Will he embrace the idea of “stepping up and helping out more” with our new puppy since he’ll have to take her out for during daylight hours or will be bitch and moan through it all?

I’m pleased to say there’s been minimal bitching. ALL of it has been related to not wanting to put his iPad down and walk the dog… but regarding my actual face: NOTHING but acceptance. Once the redness and erosion really started to kick in I asked him if I was hard to look at. He straight faced said “mommy, I honestly hadn’t noticed”. Last night he cracked a joke comparing my face to the chicken wings we were eating that was actually HILARIOUS, but that’s it.

If you take anything away from what you just read I hope it’s that the time to take care of yourself is NOW. Please stop making excuses, pushing off appointments, waiting for the moment that you’re in “direct” or “hot” sun to apply sunscreen. Add sunscreen to your daily routine the way you apply lotion. Every morning for you AND your kids. Help them develop the habit now.

I heard from a man in Hawaii who said he petitioned his child’s school to make sunscreen mandatory for children… To teach them to apply it routinely the same way he watched his kids learn proper tooth brushing technique in school. They laughed at him.

I understand I’m stuck in a moment as I’m going through this treatment and my sense of urgency to bathe in SPF is heightened, but why not strike while the iron’s hot? Why not make these changes now?

What are your thoughts on the subject and how do you care for your skin on a regular basis?

Thanks for following along, my friend. I’d love it if you’d subscribe

xoxo- Deena

“MOMMY, I DON’T REMEMBER YOUR COOKING”

When my son was two it was just us. I was a single mom on a strict budget and the only hobby I had time for was figuring out how to stretch a dollar to make food that was healthy and tasty enough for him not to complain about.

At the time I was working in morning radio which meant getting up and out of the house by 3:30am and returning somewhere in the early afternoon completely exhausted. Thing is, toddlers don’t give a fuck if you’re exhausted. So, I would leave work, drive to a farmers market near my house and load up on fresh produce. Once a month I would hit up $2.99 Tuesday at Fresh Market (not an ad) to stock up on chicken breasts, ground chicken and ground beef. That deal is seriously killer and I still take advantage of it to this day.

It was a nice distraction from the world around me to tinker with flavors and figure out what I could get my kid to eat and which textures he enjoyed. If I’m being honest, it was my only pleasure. So that’s what I did… Just the two of us pigging out on stuffed meatballs and baked salmon and bacon roasted sprouts and butternut squash soup and we were good. Then down the road I met Phil…

Phil can cook. Like, fucking COOK. He could win Cutthroat Kitchen. He’s calm and relaxed in the kitchen in a way I’ve never been. You can hand him a box of random shit and he’ll make something delicious, plated beautifully and served at the perfect temperature. I was so intimidated. I may have cooked two dinners for him before developing a complex that resulted in my unconscious decision to leave dinner to him and stick to breakfasts and quick lunches. I didn’t want to cook for him and it had nothing to do with anything he had indicated or done when I’d cooked in the past. I just felt inferior and I put that on myself.

So I baked. I stuck to baking, but not with much passion because I quickly realized that Phil speaks cooking SO WELL that if he decided to put just an ounce of effort in, he’d be a better baker than me in no time. And the frequency of my baking started to dwindle. Phil had no issue with it cause AGAIN, cooking is a breeze to him and it’s completely effortless. And that was our routine… I’d make sure all the clothes were clean and the house was in order and he’d cook all the foods. Then last week…

We were eating dinner and once again raving about one of Phil’s creations when it got quiet for a second and E said “Mommy, I don’t remember your cooking. I remember when I was a baby feeling like I really enjoyed it.” and I died. I was shocked. Did it really matter who cooked his meals? I guess it did. So I promised to make a few dinners this week. Then he proceeded to Facetime his grandma (Gaga) to scream in excitement about the fact that “mommy is gonna cook again!” WTF have I done robbing him of the experience all these years?

I beat myself up over it for an hour and then I got to work… Pinned a bunch of yummy looking Crock Pot dishes cause I figured there’s no better way to ease back into cooking. I cooked two dinners this week. They didn’t turn out like the Pinterest pics, but I tried and my kid put on a whole encouragement show in response. Clapped and smacked his lips and all.

So now I’m determined to cook, but I’m still cooking with fear for now. I don’t even know why. It didn’t used to be like this. Technology has changed since I last cooked regularly… Instant Pot? I can’t. I’m not ready for that thing yet. I AM ready for all the Crock Pot meals and one pot dishes. That’s the speed I’m driving at right now. Here are the meals I made earlier this week that were delicious. Please link me to some of your beginner level favorites as well! Click the name of the recipe for the lowdown.

I can’t imagine any other adult humans feeling the way I do, but if you exist, please let me know. Why are we like this?

Slow Cooker White Chicken Chili via eatwell 101

Face OFF

Last year a dermatologist found pre-cancerous cells on my nose and promptly froze those suckers. As a Florida native and child of the 90’s I suppose it was only a matter of time. Truth be told, I never religiously applied sunblock or even used the right kind. Had no clue there were different types and didn’t bother to do the research. So I guess you could say I’m paying the price for my decades of skin neglect now, much like so many people end up doing later on in life. It’s just weird when you feel like you’re 20 and “later on in life” is now (insert vomit emoji).

So, it was recommended by my derm that I undergo a round of Efudex treatment. Chemo cream. I have to apply it to my face twice a day for three weeks or until my face bleeds. No sun exposure, obviously.

My mom underwent this treatment about a year and a half ago and it was pretty brutal, so I’m not particularly looking forward to it, but it’s what I need to do. I’m mostly spooked by the idea of how I’ll navigate everyday life without coming into contact with the sun, but what really surprised me when I picked this stuff up from the pharmacy was that the pharmacist mentioned how many people use Efudex (Fluorouracil) for vanity purposes… To remove unwanted freckles or light wrinkle lines. The idea of coating your face in chemo for that… I just… I try not to judge, but COME ON.

Whelp, I’ll begin the treatment next Friday once I bang out errands and other necessary appointments and I’ll document it here. Should be a wild ride. I’ve Googled a bit too much and seen the different stages. The cream in essence brings all of the precancer to the surface and eradicates it… then I’ve gotta wait for fresh skin to grow in. It’s like the old Travolta/Cage classic “Face Off”.

So here’s what I’m asking of you. PLEASE recommend must-read books, stand-up specials (though I’ve probably seen them all) and recent movies and shows for me to binge.

xoxo

BABY STEPS

I’ve promised myself that the theme of 2021 would be “baby steps”, adopted from one of the best (and most relatable) movies of all time, ‘What About Bob?”. No grand plans. No swift movements. Just small steps through each day and hopefully nobody gets hurt.

And then in a fashion that’s VERY true to form for me, I negated that promise immediately while making excuses to myself to override the decision I made…

If I’m being honest, this has been a long planned and thought out process. I started about a year ago. I had my son extensively allergy tested and the one thing he’s 4/5 allergic to is furry animals. Also, the one thing he’s been begging for since we lost our pug Ziggy a few Septembers back: a dog. He’s an only child, a highly anxious child and we had a big decision to make. Of course we started with what most parents hope will resolve the issue… fish. HARD eye roll on that one. Fun fact: if your child requests a furry pet for companionship because they are a lonely only child during a pandemic and you gift them a fish, you’re a friggin’ idiot. I have no idea WHY I thought that would work, but now we have a fish cemetary in our backyard that we have to carefully navigate around while playing catch.

Anyway, our “journey” has been interesting. For over a year I’ve belonged to every adoption group, signed up for every alert. I’ve contemplated a hamster and called the allergist for him to scold me and tell me that would actually be worse than a dog. I’ve read books that have described the delicate nature of a household dynamic and how a new family pet can be a blessing OR create a hostile chaotic situation if it’s not presented and processed properly. And THEN we found her. We had no idea what to expect in terms of sex or looks because our only major requirement was that the puppy needed to be at least 75% standard poodle (taking advice from our allergist) and a few weeks ago the search ended. I guess I always assumed I’d be outnumbered by boys for the rest of my life, but the playing field is leveling out a bit because our new family member is a GIRL. That’s odd for me to wrap my head around, but I’m psyched about it.

We’ve kept this a secret from the kid because he doesn’t do well with anticipation and my husband has to travel to pick the new babe up today. I am SUPER nervous adding another living being to this family and I know we are all going to embrace her and shower her with love. It’s been 15+ years since I’ve welcomed a pet into my home/life and I would love any helpful advice you might have to share with us. Please send ideas, resources, links, whatever ya got! Also, if you know my kid and preemptively spoil this surprise I WILL find you and I WILL… you know the drill.

She doesn’t have a name yet. She IS on Instagram and TikTok (you could’ve smelled that coming from a mile away) and she’d appreciate your friendship as we welcome her into our world. You can follow her life with us @cavapooobsessed and help us name her, train her and smother her with love.

IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME. FOR REAL.

Blogging is something I've known for awhile I SHOULD be doing. As my 8 year old says dozens of times per hour, "no offense", it's for me and my mental health more than it is for you. Pandemic's got me feeling isolated and while I never THOUGHT I was a person who required much human interaction, turns out I was dead wrong. I miss my friends. I miss nonsensical chit-chat with co-workers.  "Buuuuut, social media, you wack-job?!" I know... This blog will hopefully serve as a hub of sorts to keep my VERY scattered brain (I'll have to tell you all about my late in life ADHD diagnosis later) in check. Or at least SOMEWHAT in check. It'll be a mixture of thoughts, life observations, complaints, radio | musician stories and probably brutally honest product reviews since YOU KNOW I have no filter. I'll tell you about our new Emotional Support Threads designs and what's inspired them. Also, since I tend to decorate and redecorate my home more often than my husband would care to admit, I'll toss ideas out for us to discuss as well. Of course there will be serious stuff... anxiety, depression, step-parenting challenges my husband and I have been navigating, fun with meds and more. Anyway, WELCOME to my new home. Don't mind the boxes... We haven't finished unpacking.