DON’T LET THE HOLIDAY SEASON F WITH YOU

Maybe you’re in the thick of it right now.

You may think the entire world is out to get you.

I won’t diminish your feelings, but I WILL tell you my son definitely didn’t receive what he wanted that Christmas and I’m the only one of the two of us who remembers.

It took me YEARS to get over what a fuck up I was to make such a foolish mistake and cost him the Christmas of his dreams… yet HE was fine.

We decorated a plastic tree in our pjs and ate too many cookies and THAT is all he remembers.

Every year since that Christmas I’d find a solo moment (typically in the shower) to shake my fist at the sky and curse the fact that I dispersed nicer gifts than Santa to a bunch of strangers with my cherished possessions I’d worked so hard for… until this year.

The other day I asked my son what he recalled about that holiday and it was cookies. Cookies and a drive thru light display.

He was in no way negatively impacted.

All these years I’ve held on to this grudge with myself. I’ve poisoned myself with anger.

This is the year I forgive and let go.

You may not be able to see an end to your struggle right now and you don’t have to.

You just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and I have faith that one day you’ll find a laugh, as twisted as it may be, in your pain… and that’s when the healing begins.

You’ve got this. I promise ♥

xo- Deena

I’M OFFICIALLY MY MOTHER

When I was a kid you couldn’t tear me away from video games.

In fact, I could probably still whoop some ass in a Super Mario or Yoshi’s Island competition.

I typed that just to make myself feel better because the reality is that I legitimately have NO CLUE what the hell is going on when I attempt any game created over the last decade.

I try… my brain simply can’t comprehend the fast movements and coordination that’s required.

As I’m sitting here watching these guys play a new game they got today I’m understanding EXACTLY how my mom felt wherever we tried to get her to game with us as kids.

Her answer was the same that I now say… “I’m good. You play. I’ll watch.”

And I thought she was SO LAME.

She wasn’t lame.

She was accustomed to what SHE grew up on and she was fucking EXHAUSTED.

Too exhausted at the end of her hectic day for her brain to take on ONE MORE thing.

To the parents who WANT to be “cool” in their kid’s eyes – sitting this one out and watching is absolutely ok and sometimes it’s the only answer.

xo- Deena

MOTHERS DAY WITH MEANING

I bought myself an early Mothers Day gift the second I read about Novica.com last week. Novica is known as “the artisans marketplace” because they feature incredible handmade pieces from all around the world. To date they’ve sent over $110.3 million to artisans who are paid fairly and directly for performing their trade and crafting these pieces. I found that to be impressive, but what was equally impressive was the quality of the product I ordered when it arrived. I figured in terms of shipping I’d be waiting at least several weeks, but it was at my doorstep, beautifully packaged in under one week. It’s handmade utilizing fallen tree branches by villagers in Bali. No two pieces are ever identical and this thing is STUNNING. Check out my first ever unboxing with E 👇🏻😊

In fact, after searching for an appropriate place to hang it outside I decided I’m not taking any risks with this South Florida weather and hung it in our bedroom where it is PERFECTION.

I’ve since been in touch with the team at Novica and am psyched to announce that I’ll be hosting a giveaway on Instagram next week so you can treat yourself to your own beautiful goodies. If you’re not already following me there’s a direct link here on my homepage to do so.

You can support the cause in honor of #WorldArtisansDay​ or #NationalHandmadeDay​ by shopping novica.com

Let me know what your favorite artisan piece is in the comments below!

xoxo -Deena

CHECKED OUT

This will NOT be an uplifting piece of writing. Just laying that out clearly right now. I’m treating this blog like a public diary of sorts and this is what’s on my mind today.

Not sure whether it’s pandemic life, age, stress levels, physical pain or any of a number of other reasons but my son told me this weekend that lately I remind him of the TV commercials for meds that feature “moms who are not really paying attention to what’s going on around them because their brains are too busy”. Wow! GUT PUNCH! But he’s not wrong. And now when those commercials come on (almost always on Bravo cause they know PRECISELY where to find their demo) it makes me nauseous.

If I’m being honest with myself I am always in some way “checked out” now and I don’t know what to attribute it to. I was taking meds for depression and anxiety when COVID hit and have since whittled it down to a new RX that was suggested by one of my new physicians specifcially targeting anxiety. I’m in constant pain due to TMJ and arthritis in my jaw. I’ve talked with my husband and some family and friends and honestly… the world is so fucking bonkers right now that it’s hard to tell whether it’s LIFE or it’s ME feeling the way I do.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? And is there a pill for “covid is fucking with my head 24/7”? If so, does insurance cover it? Do I have to go to a pill mill to get it?

And that’s a whole different issue. Is this a national thing? It can’t just be a Florida thing. All the “good” doctors no longer accept insurance and insurance suggests every pill mill in town as reputable physicians, but based upon personal experience… NO. When I go to someone who my insurance company has advised is a “therapist” and the first question out of their mouth is “what meds do you want?” It’s shameful.

Remember how I told you in the beginning of this entry that this wasn’t going to be uplifting? I’m a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them 😂

So I guess that’s my question to you… Do you feel any of this? A portion of this? I know I’m not alone, I just don’t know HOW much company I have.

What are you doing about it? Going through the motions? Telling yourself things will be different soon?

Let’s talk about it

xoxo Deena

Face OFF

Last year a dermatologist found pre-cancerous cells on my nose and promptly froze those suckers. As a Florida native and child of the 90’s I suppose it was only a matter of time. Truth be told, I never religiously applied sunblock or even used the right kind. Had no clue there were different types and didn’t bother to do the research. So I guess you could say I’m paying the price for my decades of skin neglect now, much like so many people end up doing later on in life. It’s just weird when you feel like you’re 20 and “later on in life” is now (insert vomit emoji).

So, it was recommended by my derm that I undergo a round of Efudex treatment. Chemo cream. I have to apply it to my face twice a day for three weeks or until my face bleeds. No sun exposure, obviously.

My mom underwent this treatment about a year and a half ago and it was pretty brutal, so I’m not particularly looking forward to it, but it’s what I need to do. I’m mostly spooked by the idea of how I’ll navigate everyday life without coming into contact with the sun, but what really surprised me when I picked this stuff up from the pharmacy was that the pharmacist mentioned how many people use Efudex (Fluorouracil) for vanity purposes… To remove unwanted freckles or light wrinkle lines. The idea of coating your face in chemo for that… I just… I try not to judge, but COME ON.

Whelp, I’ll begin the treatment next Friday once I bang out errands and other necessary appointments and I’ll document it here. Should be a wild ride. I’ve Googled a bit too much and seen the different stages. The cream in essence brings all of the precancer to the surface and eradicates it… then I’ve gotta wait for fresh skin to grow in. It’s like the old Travolta/Cage classic “Face Off”.

So here’s what I’m asking of you. PLEASE recommend must-read books, stand-up specials (though I’ve probably seen them all) and recent movies and shows for me to binge.

xoxo