Maybe you’re in the thick of it right now.
You may think the entire world is out to get you.
I won’t diminish your feelings, but I WILL tell you my son definitely didn’t receive what he wanted that Christmas and I’m the only one of the two of us who remembers.
It took me YEARS to get over what a fuck up I was to make such a foolish mistake and cost him the Christmas of his dreams… yet HE was fine.
We decorated a plastic tree in our pjs and ate too many cookies and THAT is all he remembers.
Every year since that Christmas I’d find a solo moment (typically in the shower) to shake my fist at the sky and curse the fact that I dispersed nicer gifts than Santa to a bunch of strangers with my cherished possessions I’d worked so hard for… until this year.
The other day I asked my son what he recalled about that holiday and it was cookies. Cookies and a drive thru light display.
He was in no way negatively impacted.
All these years I’ve held on to this grudge with myself. I’ve poisoned myself with anger.
This is the year I forgive and let go.
You may not be able to see an end to your struggle right now and you don’t have to.
You just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and I have faith that one day you’ll find a laugh, as twisted as it may be, in your pain… and that’s when the healing begins.
You’ve got this. I promise ♥